Pondering His Holy Word

Note from Author: I pray that everyone has been doing well. It has been a while since I posted a blog, but life has been very busy and hectic. Since I published the Stumbling Block of the Faith series, I felt that the Lord has pressed on me to build what I wrote. So I will spend the next year or so researching and writing a book. So, I will likely be publishing more on a monthly basis. Please pray for me as I walk with God through this process. Grace and Peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. 

Matthew 11:28-30

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

About 20 years ago, I was on the city bus on my way home from school. There was a man, probably in his late 20’s or early 30’s rang the bell to get off the bus. As he exited, he placed some tracts about God on his seat and said, “Everybody better get right with God. He is coming soon.” I scoffed at his words and thought, “why do ‘Christians say that to scare people into believing.” 

During this time, I struggled to submit to God. As I look back on this, I think my problem was I connected worshiping God to toxic positivism and pretending to feel something that I didn’t. The prevailing view of the church was those pushing the prosperity gospel or using scare tactics to get people to believe. My questions at the time were, “Why should I accept Jesus?” and “What is He saving me from?” I knew some of the bible stories. I knew the songs. But for the life of me, I didn’t understand the core doctrines of the faith. 

My ambivalence about faith probably came from my dad. I base this on my perspective, but he was a believer in God. My mom and dad were separated around the time I could remember. I didn’t know the circumstances, but they had a good parenting relationship. My mom was the primary guardian and the sole caregiver and the final decision maker. If they disagreed with something, she had the final say so because she had to deal with the fallout. However, my mom expected us to respect him always which wasn’t a problem because he was my hero. Even when it was months between seeing him, I always looked forward to seeing him in my younger years. One thing that was certain about him was that he believed in God. It was actually he who explained that God is our Father.  It was confusing to me, but I accepted it. I even asked him if I could call him brother since God is all of our Father. Of course, he told me no. That changed when I was nearly 12 years old. One evening he announced, he didn’t believe in God anymore. That shocked me. I mean it really shocked me. I didn’t understand the implication of that, but I was terrified. Then, maybe a few weeks later, he said that he believed. It was around that time, I began noticing  my dad struggle with his faith. There were days that he said he didn’t believe at all, and days that he was all Christ, and all points in between. When we did visit my dad, he would take us to church on some Sundays. So that is how I adopted claiming being baptist, but I didn’t understand the meaning. In the last years of his life (he died in his late 40’s), I knew that he was a Christian. His theology may not have been perfect, but I can tell that he was a believer. 

My mom was more Pentecostal. She told us we have to make our own choice about who we follow, but she really wanted us all to be christian. Some Sundays, she would insist that my older brother and I attend my oldest brother’s Church. He attended an AME Church during his teenage years. The people were nice, but I didn’t understand the reason I needed to go. I remember a elderly lady tried talking to my brother and I about joining the church. She pressured us pretty hard. I felt so pressured that I said I would join the following week. I said that knowing fully well that I would not be back next week. I lied in the house of God, another strike against me. 

At one point in elementary school, we used to go to a Sunday school that picked us up on a school bus to attend a church. We’d sing songs the entire way to Sunday School. I learned the story of Joseph and Moses. I imagine that if I continued to attend, I would have made the connections, but that is about as far as I got. 

However, whenever I did attend church either as a child or an early adult, I was confronted with two extremes: the super lovingly nice pastors and the fire and brimstone pastors. I understand that both were necessary, but there was usually something lacking. As a teenager, I remember going to a church on Easter Sunday when the pastor spent several hours reprimanding visitors who only come to church on Easter. I left that service thinking “Well dang ( I didn’t say dang.). Why did I even come?”  

Now I’m giving a lot of background information just to say that I didn’t understand the need for Jesus as a younger Christian. Wasn’t religion synonymous with being a good person?. Also, I was angry at these people who claimed to walk in the faith, participate in some of the most ungodlike activities outside of church only to go back on Sunday and be filled with the “Holy Ghost.” These folks did not exhibit what it meant to be good people. Furthermore, watching my dad struggle with faith affected me. The man who told me about God, Father, struggled with his faith. 

About 20 years ago, my literal “come to Jesus” moment happened. A missionary stopped me to speak to me about Christianity. I told him that I didn’t believe it anymore. He asked why. I couldn’t give an answer because I had so many thoughts, but I couldn’t put words to it. He said, “Because of all of the hypocrisy in the church?” I said yes. Here I am speaking to a Christian missionary and I could not give an answer why I didn’t believe anymore, but he knew. That was the first time I heard a Christian acknowledge a problem with the church. He said it in such a matter of fact type of way like “yeah it’s a problem, a big problem.” I was taken aback a little bit because I didn’t know how to respond. He completely disarmed me. He didn’t even address my objection, but he got to the heart of the problem. He told me that the worst judgment is reserved for those who knew Jesus, but turned away from Him. At that point, the judgment didn’t scare me as much as me deliberately turning away from Jesus based on my experience with other believers. As I said, I wasn’t (and still am not) a theologian). However, I did believe in God, the Father, God the Son, and God the Spirit. Outside of that I was clueless. Yet, there I stood, a 21 year old who only had a vague understanding of the Trinity and the work of Jesus Christ. Yet I could not deny this vague knowledge. Which way do I go, I suppose I needed to walk into the faith. 

Looking back, I made many mistakes, but the biggest mistake that I made was not being honest with God about my struggles with him. I always felt that I needed to always be positive no matter the situation. When I approached God, I felt the need to fake it with him and either ask for something or praise him for something. Both of those are facts, but I didn’t bring any of my concerns to him. At a certain point, I stopped doing those two things. I didn’t believe that I could be honest with God about my inner turmoil. Growing up, we kids would be called disrespectful if we told any adult we were angry with them even for a legitimate reason. How much more could I not be angry with God out of that same fear? I didn’t want to tell him I was angry for the same reason. Yet, many of God’s chosen instrument expressed their fears, worries, and frustrations with Him. 

Moses was the only prophet that spoke to God face to face (Deuteronomy 34:10). If anyone had a reason to be on his Ps and Qs, it was Moses because he was constantly in God’s presence. The Lord showed His glory to him(Exodus 34:1-9). God put him as prophet over all the people of Israel and charged him with leading them to the promised land. Yet, Moses said something to God that I really expected God to smite him for. After the people complained again in the wilderness about the food. Moses asked God: 

“Why have you dealt ill with your servant? And why have I not found favor in your sight, that you lay the burden of all this people on me? Did I conceive all this people? Did I give them birth, that you should say to me, ‘Carry them in your bosom, as a nurse carries a nursing child,’ to the land that you swore to give their fathers? Where am I to get meat to give to all this people? For they weep before me and say, ‘Give us meat, that we may eat.’ I am not able to carry all this people alone; the burden is too heavy for me. If you will treat me like this, kill me at once, if I find favor in your sight, that I may not see my wretchedness” (Numbers 11:11-15). 

I was so certain that God would strike him dead with lighting that I covered my eyes, but He didn’t. Instead, God distributed His Spirit to seventy elders of Israel so that Moses would not have to bear the burden of the people alone. I don’t know why God waited for Moses to reach his breaking point. He could have easily appointed seventy elders before Moses reached that point. The Lord knew what Moses was thinking and feeling. Yet, God waited for Moses to ask before He answered Moses’ appeal for relief. 

The Apostle Paul met risen Christ on his way to Damascus. He was given all types of revelation, yet when He appealed to Jesus to relieve him of the thorn in the flesh, Jesus said, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:1-10).  

After Elijah put the prophets of baal to shame and prayed for rain after two and a half years, Jezebel promised that he would be dead like the prophets of baal. Elijah fled and prayed, “It is enough; now, O Lord, take away my life, for I am no better than my fathers” (1 Kings 19:1-8). When Elijah said, “I, even I only, am left, and they seek my life, to take it away.” God corrected him, “Yet I will leave seven thousand in Israel, all the knees that have not bowed to Baal, and every mouth that has not kissed him” (1 Kings 19:14-18). 

Some of God’s most faithful servants brought their truest selves before God. It wasn’t all flowers and rainbows. The Apostle Paul faced at least three shipwrecks, 39 lashes, being stoned, persecution from the Jewish and Gentiles and locked up in prison. Paul prayed during that time. When Peter and John were brought before the council and told not to preach in Jesus’s name, the disciples brought it before God and prayed for boldness. Paul constantly asked the churches to pray that he may be bold in preaching the gospel.

The point that I’m making is that God knows what we need. He knows what we are thinking. He knows our fears.  He also knows what we are faced with. He knows when we are feeling burdened. He knows when we are frustrated with other believers. He knows when we are frustrated with Him. So why do we feel the need to be fake it with Him? If we can not bring our concerns, our real concerns, to God, then we are only lying to ourselves. 

A mother can see when her little baby is tired, yet she does not punish the baby for being fussy as she puts them to sleep. A father knows when his son is worried about something, but he does not punish his son when he brings his worries to him. A teacher knows when their students are struggling grasping a new concept, but they don’t hold it against them. In fact most parents and teachers expect the barriers that their kids will face. If this is true, how much more true is that our heavenly Father, our Creator, will know our worries, our concerns, our frustrations, and our needs. He wants us to bring our needs to Him. 

This world can make us very weary and hopeless. Most adults sleep less than seven hours due to stress and worry. Most people are weary and very tired. If we are not trying to make ourselves look equal or better than what we see in the media, we are barely maintaining. Even as Christians, it is easy to become world weary. When Jesus walked on the earth and proclaimed the gospel, He encountered crowds that were “harassed and helpless, like a sheep without a shepherd.” (Matthew 9:36). He didn’t smite them or disregard them, but He had compassion for them. He told His disciples “The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few; therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into His harvest” (Matthew 9:37-38). 

Jesus, Himself, said, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30). 

Come to Him, those who are weary and tired. Those who are not sure where to go and just want rest. Jesus is gentle and lowly in heart. He will give you rest because He is the Lord of the Sabbath (Matthew 12:8). He wants us to come and rest in Him. The gospel is not a different religion that is works based. Jesus has done the work on the cross when He bore all our sins. He wants us to come and rest in Him. He is giving us His Spirit so we can have rest in Christ Jesus.