Pondering His Holy Word

At my previous jobs, my colleagues would often hang out after work after a long week. They invite everyone, me included. Usually, I just say no or avoid the conversation altogether. I was at this place for 5 years, so saying no thanks more and more. After a while, they asked me more and more and I still said no. Now, I realize that I appeared aloof, distant, and even unwelcoming, but it was nothing against them; they are nice people. Over time. I’ve disclosed to a few of them of my previous struggles with alcohol and I prefer not to be around it. They seemed to accept it and respect it. 

Yet, I’ve reflected on my reason, and I came to the realization that that explanation is not accurate or at the very least incomplete.  My reasons go back to a few years ago, at a previous job, my supervisor invited me to a Halloween party. They invited several of us. I remember them saying. “You are invited to my Halloween party.” 

Full disclosure, I never really celebrated Halloween since I was a child, but the holidays were important at this place, so I participated for the kids. In my heart, I never felt right about it, but I indulged anyway. I didn’t intend to sin. I just did it because it was easier than saying no and being “weird” about it. I agreed to go, but I never intended to go to the party. No, I planned to make an excuse at the last minute. Perhaps I would use midterms as an excuse, as I was still in graduate school. Well, I tried to back out with the midterm excuse, but they pushed a little harder and I decided to go. I just didn’t intend to stay the entire time. I told my wife I would not drink, and I would leave at 11 pm with my cab fare ready as I didn’t have a car.

At the party, I told my boss that I couldn’t drink because of my medicine (which was a true statement). I didn’t know most of the people at the party. A few of my co-workers were there. We played some party games, but after a while I was tired. I’m very much an introvert and social interaction in a party setting

takes a lot out of me.  I noticed that they essentially had an open bar that night. All night, I eyed the Bourbon and Hennesy, but I thought about the promise that I made to my wife. Then another thought came to me, “I’ll just keep it to myself. It’s just one. If she doesn’t ask then, I won’t admit I had a drink.” So, I made myself a cup of bourbon (if I’m not mistaken) and coke, which I sipped on it for a while. Then, someone gave me a shot of tequila and I just took it and downed it without thinking about what I said earlier. I was buzzed at that point. 

         I got home around 1:00 am and my wife asked if I drank. I said no. The next day I had the worst hangover because alcohol doesn’t mix well with antidepressants. I just told my wife that I had a headache. She asked me repeatedly, yet I lied. My wife wasn’t stupid; she saw me hungover before. She asked me several times and I always said no. Yet, I didn’t intend to lie. The days, weeks, months, and finally a year passed. 

Finally, I just told the truth. I couldn’t lie anymore. She asked the obvious questions. “Is that the only thing that happened?” I was annoyed at first because she should have known me, and it wasn’t that type of party. Then, I thought that it was a fair question. I lied all this time about something as simple as drinking. Why should she believe me at this point? She lost a little trust in me, but she forgave me. 

I didn’t intend to lie. I didn’t mean for any of that to happen. I should have held to what I knew was true and not celebrated Halloween in the first place. I should have said no to my boss and dealt with the consequences. Even after I drank, I should have honored my wife and told the truth. It was never the alcohol that was a problem. I placed that burden on myself; she never imposed a non-drinking clause in our marriage.

While we dated, we drank socially. I stopped drinking after a bout of drinking too much and was sick. It was so many years later, and I was just so proud of holding myself to that principle, and I didn’t want to appear weak. So, I took the easy way out and lied. 

         This is not about alcohol; alcohol is not prohibited as a Christian. It wasn’t about the fact that I celebrated Halloween, although I strongly believe I shouldn’t. It wasn’t even the party, and I had fun at the party. The people were nice. It wasn’t about any of that. I didn’t honor my wife and honoring like Christ does the church. I didn’t honor God. I gave a little ground, and then I began to backslide and do things that were unbiblical and things that the Lord expressly placed on my heart not to do. For a time, I took off the armor of the Lord. 

         I want to be clear, drinking was not the problem. My problem was my pride. I didn’t want to be the “weird” Christian who didn’t want to celebrate holidays. I knew how that would appear. I didn’t lean on God because I believed that I could “handle it.” I still leaned on my own understanding, while not trusting in the Lord. 

 Please understand that Christianity is a “moral decision.” Christianity is neither a series of rules that we need to follow, nor a list of “can dos” and “can’t dos.” We have to be very careful when we impose rules that are not explicitly stated in the bible. Following Christ is a relationship with Jesus, our Lord and Savior. It is about God giving us faith so that He justifies us, the ungodly. 

I made a mistake and thought that I could be a Christian without following Christ. I thought that I could be moral. In my mind, I still had the work based salvation  thought process. At this point in my life, I was in error because I wasn’t following Christ, and I fell on my face. In reality, I needed to grow up. 

I think about that incident a lot, especially since nearly 10 years have passed since that happened. Following Christ will put us in places where we will have to make very hard decisions about how we operate in this world. We are not meant to disengage with the world, but we are meant to bring His light to the world. Some people will seek the light that we bring while others will avoid it, but that doesn’t change the fact that we are to be a light. 

Lessons Learned: 

As Christians, we can’t be afraid to hold to our convictions even if it cost us friends and jobs. The Apostle Paul tells us, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all” (Romans 12:18). That means that we should live at peace with everyone as much as it depends on us. The phrase we need to focus on is “if possible.” There are convictions that we as Christans need to hold to. That will be painful at times, but we need to hold to them. Also, we, Christians, are not meant to walk this pilgrim journey alone. We entered through the narrow gate, but God made us His church. God gave us opportunities to fellowship with each other.